Hello, my long neglected friends. My apologies for the gap in communications. You deserve an explantaion. Let’s start with a brief overview of the past few years.
Getting Personal
Those of you who have been around for a while know that from February 2022 through March 2023, five of my poems were accepted for publication. I had worked hard for a long time to earn those publication credits and yet didn’t feel like celebrating. I attended book launches and poetry readings (even read my poems) but remained numb amid the experiences. By the end of that year, I had stopped writing. I was depressed. Not sad. Not a little blue. I couldn’t stand myself.
From July 2023 until November 2024 I read the same book series (nine books, about 8,000 pages) eight times (some nine times) and I slept. I deviated from that routine only to take my mom to medical appointments which became a part of the routine. I tried new medications. Side effects nearly did me in. When I started experiencing symptoms of seratonin syndrome I told my med management team, no more.
This is when TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation) and Spravato was suggested and a referral sent. It took a while to meet with the provider and a bit longer to get on the schedule for treatment. That was in November. The only way I can explain things is to say TMS is like shaking dust out of a rug, or blowing dandelion seeds into the wind or spring cleaning. Things started to come into focus again. Spravato has provided the most relief. Since starting it my memory has improved, my problem solving skills have began to work again and my creativity is easier to access. These treatments combined with therapy and a low dose antidepressant have produced positive results.
I have hope again. I’m living again. More importantly, I’m writing! It’s not automatic yet, but I want to write and I feel capable of doing it. I’d lost that.
So, that’s the crux of the matter. I’ll keep you updated on my mental health along with my writing in future newsletters.
Now for the true purpose of the newsletter:
the writing life
Work Submitted/Published
It’s been nearly two years since I submitted anything. Once I get a few poems in shape I’ll submit them. I’m also tinkering with some fiction ideas, mostly short stories.
Work in Progress
To ease myself into the creative state I used The Strategic Poet: Honing the Craft by Diane Lockward. There are many fantastic prompts in this book that helped me retrain my brain to access my skills and reconnect to craft.
One such prompt is about Sensory Details and the model poem is Nashville After Hours by Ada Limón. Once I understood the guidelines the poem sort of took off on its own. It’s currently with a trusted colleague for critique. I’m having trouble with line breaks.
Another prompt-based poem I worked on started out well. After a while I realized that I had over-edited and it lost all of its charm. I’ve put that one aside for awhile and will visit it later to see if it’s salvageable.
I recently started a new poem inspired by my mom speaking to our puppy. She said something that took me back to childhood and I remembered how she taught me things. This led to the process of watching to learn then being guided in learning and eventually encouraged to find my own way. I’m still putting the pieces together, but it’s promising.
Work by Friends
My good friend, Heather Brown Barrett, has released her debut poetry collection and I can’t recommend it highly enough. Heather has a way with imagery and an uncanny ability to hit you in feels. Mother’s Day is soon and this would make a wonderful gift.
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Water in Every Room embodies the fluctuations of emotion and form in new motherhood. Ferocious and tender, tending and transformed, mother embraces both her child and the dualities of self in this collection of poems.
More Info | Puchase
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Diversions
Reading
I started reading The Poppy War series by R.F. Kuang back in December. The first book was interesting despite what I found to be an unlikable protagonist. I struggled to get through the second book and couldn’t bring myself to start book three. I might pick it up later.
I’m currently reading book three of the Silo series. I like the characters, the world building and the story. Book two had a lot of jumping around in time that’s disconcerting, but there’s something fascinating about it and I want to find out what happens next.
Watching
I’ve watched a great deal of sports since the beginning of the year. The Razorback basketball season was a roller coaster ride; the baseball team has started out hot this season and I’m enjoying watching them. And my first love, professional tennis, is heading into clay court season.
Mom and I watched the first four seasons of the french television series Astrid and Raphaëlle in a short span of time (available on Prime and PBS Passport). There is a season five but it’s not streaming yet. I miss the characters now.
Listening
I listen to a great deal of music during my Spravato treatments and while I walk for exercise, everything from Nightmares on Wax (chillout electronica) to ‘70s love songs and points in between. It’s been a while since I’ve discovered something new with a wow factor. I do like the new release from Mumford & Sons. The title track is upbeat and has one of the best lines: "Light me up, I'm wasted in the dark.” Listen to it on Spotify.
Thanks for reading! Once my routine is stabilized, I plan to update you monthly. In the meantime emails might be less frequent. If you have a moment, let me know what you liked or disliked about this newsletter. What do you think of each section: Getting Personal, The Writing Life, Works from Friends, Diversions. Is there something you’d like me to add? You can reply to this email with your opinions.
Until next time, stay curious.
Melissa
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