Hello! It’s been a minute since my last newsletter. I did warn you that things would be sporadic. It wasn’t my intention for it to be this long. Thank you for sticking around.

A WRITER GETTING PERSONAL

I’m completely free of psychiatric medications! For the first time in nearly 30 years, no drugs are affecting the chemical balance of my brain. As my body adjusted to their loss, it became apparent that they had negatively influenced my physical health. I’m floored at how many side effects I didn’t associate with the meds. I’m grateful to that one medical professional among many who thought outside the box and referred me to my current care team.

This doesn’t mean I’m cured or that things are just grand. There is no cure, only methods to manage the condition. I’m still struggling, but feel comfortable saying that I’m getting better. I now realize that my way of processing the world around me needs adjustment, and I’m doing my best to make those adjustments. My goal is to never again use meds long-term.

My care team recommends I get tested for autism and ADHD. I’ve yet to find a testing center that accepts my insurance, and the fees for self-pay are more than I make in a month. It’s not off the table, but it is on hold until an affordable option can be found.

A WRITER WRITING

Mental health struggles have hindered my writing efforts. My writing skills need to be isolated and rehabilitated. It’s like physical therapy where you focus on an injury to regain movement. Exercising my rusty skills has been revealing.

Work Submitted/Published

Cider Press Review declined my submission. I’m not ready to give up on the poem and will submit again in the future.

Work in Progress

Poetry: I recently remembered a poster that hung on my wall when I was a teenager. It held meaning for me, so I used the image to jumpstart a poem. I described the poster, adding sensory and emotional details. The end goal was to refer to my relationship with my mom, emphasize that I know how exceptional it was and is. As the words flowed, multiple avenues opened, different directions for the poem to go. It overwhelmed me! My brain wanted to go everywhere at once, and chaos ensued in the form of a panic attack. I had to walk away for a bit. Obviously, I need to relearn the art of focus.

Fiction: I’m developing an idea for a fantasy series. I know my characters. I know the how and why of the story (I’m still working on plot details). I’m afraid of the complexity of it. It’s a fantasy, which means I need readers to suspend their disbelief far enough to get lost in the world I’m creating. So, now I’m also rehabbing my confidence.

Honing My Craft

I’ve read and studied a New York Times best-selling book series that demonstrates an approach to writing that I do not want to emulate. It would horrify and shame me if my readers encountered in my work what I discovered in these books. I’m now hyper-aware of my writing. My efforts hereafter will respect narrative continuity with elements and details that remain constant; I’ll strive to meet standards of excellence rather than lower standards to make half-hearted efforts acceptable, and endeavor to remember that if it's worth writing, it's worth editing.

A WRITER DIVERTED

Reading

I reread The Martian by Andy Weir and loved it as much as I did when I first read it about 10 years ago. I followed that up with two other Weir books, Project Hail Mary and Artemis. They weren’t as compelling as The Martian. I know Project Hail Mary has been made into a movie, but I’m not sure I want to see it.

Watching

The latest season of The Diplomat was a letdown. I’m not sure if it pushed me beyond my ability to suspend my disbelief or if the characters lost too much of their humanity. It could also be that I’m extra sensitive right now, and it made me too uncomfortable.

The newest season of Slow Horses held my interest better than last season. The preview of next season looks promising.

I tried watching Playing Nice, but a third of the way through episode two, I had to walk away, my body vibrating with anxiety. It sounds silly that a television show could be so affecting, but I was already enduring emotional and physical instability. The intensity of the story nudged me into overload.

Conversely, old movies help me to overcome anxiety; it relaxes me when I immerse myself in nostalgia. For example, the 1961 version of The Parent Trap, John Wayne movies like McLintock and Rio Bravo, and teen movies from the 80s like Sixteen Candles and Valley Girl. Brushing up against the feelings they elicited reminded my brain of the safety and comfort of my childhood, and the music from those teen movies reignited my wonder and curiosity. I think I’ll continue seeking out the comfortable movies and music of my past as part of my healing journey.

The Glades is available to stream on Hulu. I remember watching it when it first aired, and I was angry when the series was cancelled without resolving the season four cliffhanger finale. While that final scene remained with me over the years, I couldn’t clearly remember the circumstances that led to it. After warning my mom about the ending, we started watching from season one, episode one, and over the course of a few days, we consumed the entire series. It was enjoyable! And we theorized on what might have happened had another season been greenlit. I’m upset all over again about its abrupt cancellation.

IN CLOSING

I’m having carpal tunnel surgery this afternoon, and I expect a lack of mobility throughout November will produce frustration. Hopefully, my creativity won’t be obliterated. For the time being, I’ll practice giving myself grace and allowing my body and mind to heal at their pace in spite of that voice inside my head telling me I should do more now.

Again, thanks for your patience between newsletters and for sticking around. Your support is deeply appreciated.

Until next time, stay curious. ​

Melissa

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​This is not my physical address, merely a contact point: 600 1st Ave, Ste 330 PMB 92768, Seattle, WA 98104-2246